so i've decided my next project for genderschmender is to coordinate a writing project. i have been throwing around ideas. what i've been fascinated by lately is the slippery nature of desire. the way some small details can transform a situation, my sense of self and others... the way desire can suddenly be there, where nothing was before. it really sneaks up on me sometimes, particularly when i'm listening to E read aloud, curled under her arm, my body absolutely flaccid with fatigue, and then something creeps up, heats up... maybe it's also relevant to E's creeping crouching jungle tiger theory. i remember also a moment in yr 12, sitting in economics behind this boy called Andrew Skyring. He was so skinny and his head was down and the vertebrae were visible under his pale neck skin where his long hair had fallen to the side. i wanted to fuck that boy so badly. right there. biting his fragile boy body. it was like that again when another long-haired thin boy, Eden, walked toward me in the morning sun after i'd had sex with him the night before, his first time, and his hair and skin kind of glowed.
I also think these moments of desire are caught up with gender. certainly for me. The way gender can shift, even moment by moment. Moments of ambiguity, moments where breasts are unbound and suddenly soft, where hard chests bud, moments where binding shows under shirts, where voices suddenly drop, where sun catches new facial hair, when putting on a wig can transform the way i walk and talk. surely people have moments they want to write about...
i have been wondering about a working title... 'moments in desire' 'momentous desire' 'moments in body and desire'? hmmm.
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3 comments:
i have moments i want to write about! oh i am excited dear heart, right now, when i am meant to be making the crd poster, i want to write something. oh i think it's a goer.
ps - would you like a cup of tea?
xxxxxxxxxx
are you two hanging out together? damn i have work jealousy bad.. i mean, I like working here with the crazy old men bringing me their stories but I hate that i'm missing out on stuff.
oh yeah, i wanted to say "momentous desire" sounds great! yes yes. that little second that makes your belly fall away inside. the moment when your girlfriend turns into a teenage faggot. all those moments when you suddenly notice someone familiar's lips or the nape of their neck, yes that's such a hot spot you're right. also maybe the wringing moment the ringer makes happen?
oh god, the ringer! i forgot about the ringer! hmmmm i think there's something in those moments that links in to my feelings about the illicit nature of crushes on people you know, you know?
like when you have that interaction that's meant to be platonic but suddenly you feel hot for that moment? like when you suddenly think about the sex with them when before you'd only thought about the cups of tea or maybe the biscuits? and suddenly the bit where you accidentally touch seems like it's going to electrocute you or something?
and then there's the way the moment throws you coupled with the way you have to kind of pretend that the moment didn't throw you. i think that's where my awkwardness usually kicks in at a rate of super-knots.
hmmmmmm i think that's yes, the best and worst ever.
bro - we're having marriage time. you need to maintain these things. even if when i was meant to be helping with the poster i've done nothing...
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