loose ends unravel

I have embarked on an analogy that has infiltrated my entire thesis, which predictably enough for something all about discursive threads, by someone with a material collection that incessantly spills out of its allotted drawers, now reads like some kind of patchwork blanket. in this (ahem) fabrication of mine, loose threads are a good thing, but back in my 'real' life, drawing to the close of my intensive thesis writing period and staring down the barrel of my last 18 months of law, i feel all unpicked, unsettled, rumpled up and not sure. I am trying to convince myself that i feel 'untimely' in the Wendy Brown sense, and it's true that i do feel all pulled taut and humming in a way that's not entirely unpleasurable. Maybe I can own this moment, this nervous energy buzzing around under my skin... should i go to Thailand this Summer!? Can i get a new job? Summer of sweat! my tomato seedlings are looking great! The apple tree is flowering and the fig tree has tiny baby figs! Are exclamation marks colonising the part of my brain that punctuates!? Why do i feel so violently happy right now?

done. kind of. badly.

I emailed my first draft. just then. like 5 seconds ago. 16 000 words of bad writing, underdeveloped theoretical content and nebulous conclusions. nice one tal tal.