a sweet sad story about feeling friendly

A patient arrives ten minutes late for a session. She interprets her own lateness as meaning that she didn't want to come to analysis that day. I feel anxious. This fits with her interpretation, on the assumption that I am now feeling what she has been feeling. As she continues to talk, it emerges that she left her house quite early, but then had managed to take a wrong turn along the way. I am beginning to feel friendly and sad beneath the anxiety. I say that it seems to me she very much wished to come to analysis today, as indicated by leaving early, but this wish made her quite anxious. Maybe when she feels especially friendly toward me, she bcomes afraid that her friendly feelings will be rejected. She begins to cry and, after a bit, begins to talk about how she felt she disappointed her mother.

Wolfenstein, Eugene, ‘On the Uses and Abuses of Psychoanalysis in Cultural Research’ (1991) 2(4) Free Associations 515, 517.

am i not revolutionary enough? (thanks Kasey)

Today i checked the email address that I rarely check and sitting quietly, nestled like a little rotten egg amongst my spam, there was an email from afar. From a name i didn't want to see, addressing me as 'friends, lovers etc'.

I assume that I am 'etc'. In fact, being 'etc' makes me laugh like a crazy person. I wonder who else and if any one else is also 'etc'? With whom could i possibly share this dubious distinction? Anyway, I wanted to share the moment because i had an uncharacteristically musical response to the tune of:

Am I not revo enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you (presume that you can) see right through me

(fade to nasally whine)

Well, I'm not sure what 'it' is that Kasey is going to try harder but personally, i haven't really gotten into the glass and ceramic dildos and since uti-paranoia/actual infection I'm not sure if 'harder' is really what i can take right now.

But of course, Kasey is right. She should be concerned about whether her (so-called, sometime) friend/s think she is revo enough. Being un-revo is just such a bad look; a leftwing faux pas of mammoth proportions. I mean really, you turned down the path but pulled up a couple of miles short. And all your (so-called, sometime) friend/s can tell and are probably going to tell their housemates.

Run for cover, motherfuckers! This left-wing cred is about to blow. Someone pulled the 'radical love' pin and that shit's about to spew self-righteous, self-serving rantabulous cred-eroding crud all around this joint.

ha. anyway, I'm glad Kasey and I found eachother crawling around in the dusty, battered debris of innocent high hopes and naive stomach-wrenching love and loss. I think she's real pretty.